Voyager: The other side
by 1stOfficerFan
Summary: In the show Captain Janeway is Commander Chakotay's closest friend. What if there was someone else? Someone who doesn't carry the burden of command 24/7? Can she help her old friends, and her new ones, through their journey? (Timeline only roughly based on the show. Don't be surprised if it doesn't fit. The rights to Voyager and its characters belong to their respective owners.)
1. Intro

Stardate 48270.1; New York City

Marina Rivers sat in her favorite coffee shop and was reading. She didn't get a lot of days like these, where no one annoyed her. It was times like these when she wondered why in the name of all that was holy she'd become a Starfleet diplomat. It was a pain in the ass. Oh, she was a regular officer as well, rank of Lieutenant, and assigned to Stellar Cartography. Unless she was busy smoothing things over. Her father, Commodore Rivers, had died five years ago at Wolf 359. Marina didn't know whether to hate the Borg or accept that it was their nature, like her idiot brother seemed to do. She'd gone into a tailspin until a superior officer had snapped her out of it. Marina smiled at the memory.

He'd dragged her onto the ship's holodeck and basically forced her to fight him. The man was a boxer and about two heads taller than tiny Marina. Apparently, the Lieutenant Commander had realized much sooner than her that she had needed to vent before her grief would've made her implode. After she'd collapsed in an exhausted heap on the floor he'd gotten her back to her quarters with the simple words "see you tomorrow at lunch". She hadn't eaten for days at that point. Well aware that he actually would drag her to eat kicking and screaming if he'd have had to, she'd gone. They had met for lunch every day from there on out. Marina knew the crew had wondered and rumors had started flying whether they had been in a relationship. Friendship constituted as a relationship, come to think of it. The man had been 37 at that point, she'd only been 23. Not that age gaps like that meant anything anymore in the 24th century but they'd never been intimate, regardless of what everyone thought.

Marina's smile vanished when she remembered what had happened next.

For two years they had been close friends, ranks be damned. She had trusted him with secrets she wouldn't tell anyone else- like her alien heritage, for instance. Starfleet knew she was part Pandorian of course but they didn't know what that meant. He did. Two years after the massacre that had taken her father from her, tragedy had struck again. Only this time not for her. The Federation colony Dorvan V had been one of the planetoids the Federation had handed over to the Cardassians in light of the peace treaty- a treaty Marina and the rest of the opposition had spoken vocally against. Regardless, it had been formed and the colonists had been given the opportunity to leave and get relocated. Most had refused to leave their homes, as had the men and women on Dorvan V; her friend's tribe. She knew he'd never been particularly fond of his people's beliefs and spiritual traditions, which was the main reason why he'd not been on good terms wit his father. Something he regretted very deeply seeing as Kolopak had been a victim of the Cardassian raiders. Marina had requested leave to accompany him to the burial, which she'd been granted. At first she'd expected the elders to ask her to leave again, seeing as she was an outsider, but the Chief had "seen" something in her and allowed her to stay. She sighed, remembering his anguish over never having fixed his relationship with his father before he'd died. Once he'd worked through the grief, guilt and anger had taken hold. She'd known what he would do before the Captain had informed her that he'd submitted his resignation from Starfleet. He must've known she would try and talk him out of it because he'd never said good-bye in person. He'd left a letter in her quarters, explaining his decision and apologizing. She'd cried herself to sleep that night, knowing what news would reach her next. The ship had been a Tactical Officer short then and because they'd spent so much time together, on and off duty, the Captain had correctly presumed that he'd taught her as well. She'd gotten promoted to Lieutenant Commander and taken her friend's vacated station on the bridge. The next time she'd seen him, it had been on the view-screen. Gone had been the uniform, replaced by leather. The traditional tattoo of his people had now graced his left temple; honoring his father, she knew. The Captain had shot her a look, she'd noticed, but she had been an expert in hiding her feelings by then. Whatever he'd seen must've satisfied him because he had not relieved her of duty. The usual conversation had followed, in which the Captain had asked their former crew member to surrender. The Maquis ship was one of the better ones they had managed to steal but it wouldn't have stood a chance against the starship. Of course, the stubborn idiot had refused. Marina had barely recognized him with so much anger in his eyes. She'd braced herself for the orders she hadn't had to wait for long. With a silent prayer for forgiveness she'd readied the phasers. That had been the moment when he'd finally seemed to notice who had been standing at his old station. A look of utter anguish had crossed his features at the situation he'd put her in. _Don't make me do it._, she had thought and was pretty sure it had shown on her face. But no Maquis had ever surrendered.

"I'm sorry.", he'd said and even the last idiot had known he'd spoken to her. Everyone had known he'd been like the big brother she'd never had. Her actual brother didn't count.

"Phasers ready.", she'd said, trying to sound calm. Again, even the last fool had heard her inner conflict. But she was a Starfleet Officer and her personal feelings had had no business on the bridge.

"Lock on target.", the Captain had ordered. In hindsight, she could swear he'd almost sounded apologetic. She'd obeyed.

"Ready, Captain." Then she'd made the mistake of looking up again and had met his eyes. Tears had welled up in hers almost immediately and she'd given up trying to hide her turmoil. Nothing but understanding had filled his gaze. That had made it a hundred times worse to fire. But she had. And she had hated herself for it.

Marina blinked to snap out of the memory. It had been the last time she'd seen him, almost two years ago. She didn't know how to feel. A part of her was furious at him for doing this to her. The other part knew damn well that if she would stand any chance to get revenge for her father, she would. Could she blame him for doing just that and protecting what was left of his tribe? She took a sip from her iced vanilla Latte and told herself, not for the first time, to get over it already. He'd made his choice and it was time to accept it.

The chime of her comm-badge just solidified that. She was Starfleet and she'd never be something else. She tapped the badge.

"Rivers here."

"Commander, your presence is requested at headquarters."

"Acknowledged. Rivers out." So much for her day off. She waved at the waitress, who waved back with a bright smile, and made her way to the transporter. It took all of five minutes for her to materialize in the transporter room of Starfleet Command. Admiral Patterson was her welcoming committee.

"This doesn't bode well.", she smiled, "Aren't you a little high ranking to greet me, Ted?" She was on a first name bases with half the Admirals because her father had been next on the promotion list and already around the others a lot. In fact, she'd seen more of them than of her mother and brother. Thank heavens.

"Never too high ranking for you, Rina." _Ugh_. She really hated that nickname but try telling the Admirals that. They used it just to rile her up.

"I read your last holo-novel.", he now stated, "Very interesting." Marina burst out laughing at that one. Writing was her hobby and she was good at it- or so she was told. Her latest series was based on ancient Greek beliefs and their Gods.

"I never expected the Admirals to read them.", she admitted, "Besides, it's for fun only." They reached their destination which she recognized as the conference room; better said one of many. He gestured for he do go in first. Someone was waiting. Marina straightened and stood at attention. First name basis with Admirals or not, forgetting protocol wouldn't do.

"Captain Janeway.", she greeted the woman. Kathryn Janeway had a decade on her but it sure didn't show. The woman was as small as Marina and had her reddish blonde hair tied back in a bun. For reasons only some people in Starfleet knew, Marina was the exception and was allowed to let her hair lose. The Captain's bright blue eyes sparkled at the formal greeting.

"At ease.", she said and Marina relaxed. Stupid protocol. Kathryn smiled and they hugged briefly.

"How are you?", the Captain asked and she shrugged.

"Same as usual. Still trying not to strangle some of the Ensigns on board who think they can order me around because they're older."

"Pull rank.", Kathryn suggested, "They need to learn." Janeway had been good friends with Marina's father- and consequently knew all about Marina's Pandoran blood and the abilities that came with it.

"I'll try.", she smiled but it didn't escape her notice that Kathryn seemed... nervous. As a general rule, Kath didn't do nervous. She decided to get the ball rolling.

"So is one of you gonna tell me why you asked me here on my day off? I don't get those often, you know." Not that she was complaining. Most of the time she didn't know what to do with herself when she wasn't on board ship. The Admiral gestured her to sit and she looked up at both of them, waiting. Kathryn sighed.

"I received my new command today. The _Voyager_." Marina smiled. The new ship was Intrepid class and a beauty- she'd seen the plans.

"Congratulations."

"We have our first orders, too. And I'd like you on my crew." Her eyebrows shot up. If Kathryn wanted her on board, all she had to do was have her ordered there. Marina's hackles rose in foreboding.

"What's with the personal request, Kath? Why am I not simply receiving orders?" She new the woman already had a Tactical Officer, a Vulcan named Tuvok. So she'd be back to Science Station. Oddly enough, the thought didn't bother her. The Captain sighed again before straightening her shoulders and raising her chin. Marina pressed her lips together so she wouldn't smile at the familiar stance.

"Our orders-", Kathryn said in full Captain mode, "-are to proceed to the Badlands and find a Maquis vessel. My Chief of Security is on board, undercover, and has been out of contact for days." Which either didn't bode well for Tuvok or the entire Maquis ship. The badlands were a tricky and dangerous part of space. Her gut clenched in trepidation- she had a feeling she knew Kath's next words.

"We'll be looking for the _Val Jean_ under command of Commander Chakotay."


	2. Preparations

"You can't be serious." Marina sighed. She was back on Pandora for barely an hour but peace was nowhere in sight.

"I am serious." She'd accepted the orders to join _Voyager_'s crew and they'd leave in two days. First, Kathryn would be in New Zealand and get Tom Paris out of prison. If he agreed to help the mission, that is. She'd requested a day to come here because she needed it. Badly. Kathryn, who knew enough about that part of her heritage, had granted it. Only after she'd come here, had she found out that her best friend should have been assigned to _Voyager_ too. Carmen was half Pandorian, half Bajoran. Marina was getting the impression that Starfleet wanted people on board the Maquis wouldn't resent on principle. Hence Carmen and her. Except Carmen had refused the orders on ethical grounds and Starfleet couldn't very well force a Bajoran to hunt the Maquis unless she was already on board ship. It would get her a remark in her permanent record and probably a lousy next assignment but her brunette friend didn't care. Especially since she was so busy gaping at Marina right now.

"What do you want me to do, Carmen? Refuse the orders? Why not just simply demote myself to Ensign, that would be less painful." While muttering under her breath, she pulled on her robe.

"He's your friend!", Carmen thundered, "B'Elanna is on that ship." Marina sighed again. She knew that Carmen, who'd stayed on Earth for a while after the Academy, had made friends with the testy half Klingon. B'Elanna had dropped out after two years and joined the Maquis after Chakotay had saved her life. Obviously Carmen had a much easier time forgiving her younger friend than Marina had.

"We don't even know what happened.", she said calmly, "For all we know they're dead in space right now. It's not like Tuvok not to report, that much I know. So either he's been compromised and we have to get him the hell back- or the _Val Jean_ is in trouble." Marina wasn't worried about the Vulcan's safety if the former was the case. As pissed off as Chakotay would've been at the deception, he'd keep the Vulcan save until they could drop him off somewhere. Some other Maquis would probably kill him but not the Indian.

"And when you find them? Then what?", Carmen asked indignantly as she followed Marina out, "You'll hand them over to Command?"

"Yes." The word tasted bitter but it was true. And for once she didn't have to hide her contempt for herself over that truth.

"They'll be thrown into prison for the rest of their lives.", Carmen argued. Marina had enough. She whirled around just before she'd have stepped into the forest behind the house and faced her friend.

"And you think it makes a difference whether I'm there or not? Kathryn and her people will find them and turn them in. I'm not about to ruin my career over this. Chakotay made his choice- so did B'Elanna for that matter. Maybe they should've thought about it before joining the Maquis." Unable to stand there any longer and see Carmen's anger turn into sympathy over Marina's own pain, she fled.

The waterfalls were as beautiful as they'd ever been. Sometimes it bugged her that she couldn't bring herself to come here more often but having to deal with her mother at every visit kept her far away most of the time. While Pandora was part of the Federation, the others barely knew anything about her kind. _Even feels weird thinking it._, she thought. She'd always considered herself more human than Pandorian. She'd grown up on Earth- or on starships when her father had been on missions. Pandora had always been more of a vacation home than anything else. Deep down she knew that was partly nonsense. Her bad temper, that could sometimes rival any Klingon, was due to her suppressed Pandoran instincts. Marina smiled when her other half approached. Her Guardian, as her people called it, was something very similar to a leopard seal on Earth. Harmless and gentle- until you riled her up. Every Pandorian had a bond-animal. It was what stabilized their DNA, she didn't know why, and balanced them. Unfortunately, that bond gave the humanoid half of the pair animal instincts. And those were the urges Marina had been fighting all her life. She still was. Chakotay h´knew about it and had always been very patient when those instincts had come to the surface at the most inopportune times. The Indian seemed to have a knack for difficult people, considering his engineer.

With a sigh Marina relaxed and floated in the water, her Guardian at her side. She could practically feel her skin absorbing the water and accumulating it. Since she was only half Pandorian she didn't have to do this nearly as much as a pure blood. In fact, any kind of water would do. But these waterfalls worked best and would keep her hydrated for months. That was a genetic condition she could really have done without.

While she was waiting for the shuttle that would take her to Deep Space Nine, she tried to talk to Carmen again. Her friend was still mad at her.

"Would it help if I told you I don't like it any better than you do?" At that Marina had to lean back a little so she wouldn't get whipped by her friend's mahogany hair.

"Then why do it?"

"Because no matter how friendly Kathryn was and no matter how much they softened the blow... they're watching me, Carmen. For two years now. I think they believe I'm helping the Maquis." _Treason_. Saying out loud made Marina nauseous. When the _Val Jean_ had gotten away two years ago, she'd been blamed. The Captain and the rest of the crew had stuck by her and told Command that they were wrong. That she'd fully obeyed orders. But Command still had believed she'd somehow helped Chakotay get away. They couldn't specify the accusations to just _how_ she was supposed to have done it. Marina believed they just needed a scapegoat so they wouldn't have to admit that maybe, just maybe, they'd trained the Indian well and he knew what he was doing.

That was pretty much the only explanation that would have taken the wind out of Carmen's sails like that.

"Then I'm hoping Tuvok got caught and they'll drop him off somewhere.", she sighed and Marina nodded. She didn't particularly fancy arresting her friend either.

By the time they'd almost reached the Badlands, Marina was very much annoyed. Not on her behalf but on Tom Paris'. Kathryn had given her full access to all personnel files. Marina had studied psychology for a few semesters and Kath had wanted to know how Tom's history would affect the mission. Well, she wouldn't have needed her semesters in psych for that. Kathryn's crew was made of idiots. True, Tom had royally screwed up in the past. His pilot error had killed three officers. But the part that had gotten him into trouble was covering it up- before confessing out of a bad conscience. He'd gotten kicked out of Starfleet and, not knowing what to do with himself, he'd joined the Maquis. The idiot consequently got captured on his first mission and sent to prison. He'd been there until Kath had gotten him out a little over a week ago. So yes, he'd messed up, but the way the officers treated him raised her hackles. The only one not biased was Ensign Harry Kim and that was because he was fresh out of the Academy.

"That bad?", Kathryn asked when Marina threw her hair back in irritation again. They were sitting in the Captain's ready room.

"They're idiots. So is he, of course, but..." She took a deep breath. On Pandora, there were four seasons. But unlike Earth those seasons weren't marked by the weather but by the character developed by those born in the season. Marina had been born in Water (the Pandoran word was impossible to pronounce or spell) and that made her way too sensitive sometimes. Thank heavens for her human blood or she'd be in tears over all this about now.

"You should've become a Counselor.", Kathryn remarked and Marina snorted in disbelief.

"Are you crazy? Listening to other people's woes _on purpose_? Why not just put a phaser to my head?" She'd gotten lucky too. Most born in Water were empaths but her human blood had blocked that ability.

"_Bridge to Captain_." Both of them sat up straight,

"Go ahead."

"_We're reaching the Badlands._"

"Acknowledged. On my way." Kathryn nodded at her and they went onto the bridge. She'd already gotten her orders: once they'd found the _Val Jean_ she was to accompany Security and get Tuvok the hell out of there. And arrest the Maquis. Until then she was Tactical Officer so she relieved the Ensign at the station and searched the space around them. A part of her hoped they were long gone.


	3. It Dawns (Part 1)

**Here another chapter. Sorry if I can't update regularly but I'm busy with studies. This is still a chapter to settle in. They'll get busy in the next, promise. Feel free to comment ;-)**

_Marina was still confused. Despite that she focused on her station while the rest of the crew tried to do the same. _

"_Systems are all intact, Captain. Whatever it was didn't damage Voyager beyond the warpcore. Just its crew.", she added sarcastically, grumbling. Kathryn's First Officer was dead. So were half the people who'd been on the bridge. She could barely breathe herself through the coughing. And the Captain was a mess. But Marina knew Kathryn's look from experience: she was getting mad. And a mad Kathryn Janeway was not to be messed with. They were in the goddamn Delta Quadrant but that was a mere nuisance if they were right and that array could get them back like it got them here._

"Paris to Janeway._"_

"_Go ahead.", Kathryn's voice sounded tightly and Marina saw her pacing to the middle of the bridge._

"Kim didn't come back with us. He must still be over there._"_

"_Acknowledged. Computer, how many crewmen are unaccounted for?" The electrical beep sounded._

"_One. Ensign Harry Kim.", the computer answered._

"_Hail the Maquis.", Kathryn ordered and Marina pushed the buttons to do just that. She kept her head down and stared at the panel. There was absolutely no need for Chakotay to see her, thank you. Didn't mean she didn't see him though, and a familiar mix of anger and joy washed through her. Get a grip._

"_Commander Chakotay. My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway."_

"_How do you know my name?", the Indian asked and Marina briefly closed her eyes at the soft voice she hadn't heard in years. She didn't hear the rest of the conversation because she was so busy keeping her emotions in check. It was ridiculous. Next thing she knew, Chakotay was on the bridge with Tuvok and another man. All three had their weapons drawn. She didn't even bother, knowing Kath would order them to put the phasers away anyway. She watched in slight amusement how Tuvok informed the stunned Indian that he was in fact a Starfleet Officer who had infiltrated his crew. That had to sting. But she didn't move. Not when Chakotay saw Paris and promptly exploded. Not when Kath ended the fight before it started. Not even when the Captain gave her the bridge and left the ship with Tuvok, Paris and the Maquis. She had turned into quite the coward._

Stardate 48362.3

"Janeway to Rivers.", the Captain's voice sounded over the comm and Marina winced. She recognized that tone. Kathryn was not on a good mood.

"Rivers here."

"Report to my ready room." There was no refusing a direct order from her Captain.

"Sorry, Neelix.", she told the way too cheery Talaxian, "Rein check on your new creation." She wasn't sorry at all. While his usually chipper mood were a welcome balm for the entire crew, and took their minds off their situation, his new recipes left much to be desired. Never mind his "better than coffee" substitutes. The poor Captain would probably choke on one of them one of these days. Marina made her way to the bridge, pointedly ignoring the usual whispers. She was the only non-bridge officer who got asked to join staff meetings. Oh, she pitched in on the bridge from time to time but wasn't regularly assigned to it. She was grateful for it. For almost a month now they were in the Delta Quadrant. Kathryn had faced an impossible choice back then: use the array that had brought them here and leave an entire civilization, the Ocampa, to their fate at the hands of the violent Kazon or destroy the array and strand them here. Suffice to say she'd destroyed it. Marina knew it plagued the Captain with guilt and probably would until she'd gotten the ship and both crews home. Because the Maquis were now part of this Starfleet crew, sort of, after Chakotay had sacrificed the _Val Jean_ for all of them. She'd been able to avoid him so far. Kathryn had made him her First Officer but up to this point she hadn't had to report to him yet, simply because there had been nothing to tell. She was fully aware that she was acting juvenile and that she'd have to face him sooner or later. If it was up to her, it would be much later. Which would of course be rather problematic since Kath had assigned her the position of "Bridge Officer"- as in, she was supposed to help Chakotay to get the two crew to play nice with each other. In other words she was now officially the ship's _agony aunt_ in addition to her duties as a science officer. That's what you got for wanting extra credits in the Academy and taking psychology classes. And for knowing more of the Maquis than the Starfleet Officers.

When the turbo lift opened to the bridge, she received the usual glances. Tom, open and friendly; Harry, polite and shy; Seska, hostile as always despite her attempts to hide it behind a smile. And of course Tuvok: a raised eyebrow at her attire. The Vulcan had been informed that she had special clearance to keep her hair down and her collar lower than regulations dictated. Marina suspected he just didn't like not knowing _why_. Her secret smile dimmed immediately when she didn't see Chakotay where she'd expected him- in his chair. Which could only mean that he was with the Captain. She sighed heavily as she waited to be asked in.

"Come in!", Kathryn's voice sounded muffled through the doors and she passed the barrier that opened them automatically.

"Captain.", she greeted, "Commander." He looked exactly like she remembered in that uniform. Except it had been yellow then. The red definitely looked better.

"Comm-badge.", Kathryn demanded and held out a hand. Marina's brows shot up to her hairline. But, well aware of her Captain's mood and the fact that the woman was low on caffeine, she handed the device over. It was stuffed into the shelf before Kath faced her again with her most stern look.

"You're not leaving until you've settled matters." Before a very dumbfounded answer could cross her lips, like what the hell the woman was talking about, it dawned. And before she could protest, the Captain walked out of her own ready room and sealed the doors from the outside. Trapped with Chakotay. Just awesome.

"Was this your bright idea, _Commander_?", she asked and slumped on the couch. Since this was going to end up a decidedly personal conversation anyway, she didn't see the need to stand on ceremony.

"I merely asked her for advice.", she retorted, clearly as surprised as she was.

"You, of all people, asked someone who was your enemy three weeks ago for advice? On a personal matter no less? I should mark the Stardate." Marina barely hid her wince at her own voice. It was an old, bad habit to fall into sarcasm that easily. However, the Indian didn't rise to the bait and simply walked over to sit down as well. Though the man had enough sense not to get too close to her. Ayala, Bendera, Carlson, Dalby, Hogan, Jonas, Seska, Suder, B'Elanna... maybe it was her. She knew them all but had known no one on _Voyager_ except Kathryn and, from hear-say, Tom Paris. A sad testament to her taste in acquaintances.

"We can't keep this up.", Chakotay stated matter-of-factly in that calm voice of his and it was almost all she needed to explode.

"You think I don't know that?", she snapped and could feel her eyes flare darkly. Chakotay, fully aware that her predator instinct were making a house call, wisely didn't move a muscle. In fact, he didn't so much as blink. It was enough for Marina to reign her feral side in again and simmer down a little. Suddenly, she was very tired.

"What do you wanna hear, Chakotay?", she sighed, "You're First Officer now. I'll follow your orders if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not. Neither is the Captain."

"Then what's with the ambush?", she inquired, "She can't possibly think that locking me in with you is gonna resolve anything."

"But it could be a start.", he said and for the first time she was collected enough to detect the note of hope in his words. He wanted to have it out; fine.

"Do you have any idea what you did to me?", she asked him, careful to keep the pain out of her voice, "I trusted you more than anyone and you just left."

"I had to.", he replied, his eyes asking for understanding.

"No, you didn't. How is fighting a war you can't possibly win gonna bring Kolopak back? How is it gonna fix your guilt? It isn't, that's how. Instead you were gonna get yourself killed. And I couldn't do a damn thing about it because you didn't even have the guts to tell me in person." Wonderful. She'd played right into Kathryn and his hands and let it out. _Just great_. But now she was on a roll and couldn't stop despite her brain telling her that it was pain she was seeing in his eyes.

"And as if that wasn't bad enough, you added insult to injury. I know damn well that your sensors showed us approaching two years ago. And since you served aboard the damn ship, you _had_ to know it was us. But did you get the Val Jean the hell out of there and avoided confrontation? No, of course not. Instead you stuck around, _forcing me to fire on you_!"

Stunned silence followed her outburst and she closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay. She, better than anyone, knew the danger of suppressing your feelings. Yet she had never dealt with his betrayal and all that had followed. Instead she'd ignored it. That was why she only now realized what had hurt the most. The part of all this she simply couldn't deal with and why she'd buried her feelings.

Her eyes flew open when she felt him grip her hand and met a gaze as agonized as she felt. And for the first time in three years, she admitted her worst heartache concerning him. It wasn't what anyone, let alone she herself, would have expected.

"You were all I had. How could you force me to be your enemy?"


End file.
